


Running Out of  Fantasy

by mdelpin



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Aftermath of Sexual Assault, Anger, Angst, Character Study, Difficult Decisions, Haircuts, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Winter Holiday Event 2020, winter2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22121602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/pseuds/mdelpin
Summary: Haruki struggles with his feelings in the aftermath of Akihiko's assault.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki, Nakayama Haruki & Yatake Kouji
Comments: 7
Kudos: 136
Collections: Winter Holiday Event





	Running Out of  Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the @givenevents Winter Holiday Event  
> Prompts(s):Honesty, Hair
> 
> Want to talk with me about Given, other animes, writing, or my stories? Click on the link to join our discord [The Unholy Trinity](https://discord.gg/asvBPrDNX9)!

Haruki’s heart was still pumping furiously as he closed the door to his apartment, leaning against it to keep his wobbling legs from collapsing under him. He’d tried to make as dignified of an exit as he could, but he was shaken. The late-night air on his face did nothing to help ease his stress. Everything that had happened in the last few minutes was swimming around in his head like the tendrils of a bad nightmare that wouldn’t let go. 

And unlike a nightmare, he doubted he would forget this anytime soon. He held his car keys in his hands, staring at them as if they could somehow tell him what to do, where to go. The only person he could think of to go to was Take, but Haruki already knew how his friend would react to seeing him this way, and he didn’t want to get into another argument over Akihiko, not tonight. 

He made his way down the stairs and into his car, driving off with no direction in mind. He just needed to think this through. Traffic was light, and as he drove, the fingers of his left hand played with the loose tendrils of his hair, which was done up in a braid. But instead of calming him down as he’d hoped he found himself filled with incredible rage. 

Images of Akihiko touching his hair, playing with it, complimenting it, filled his mind. For a moment, he lost control of his car, swerving into the next lane, which had been mercifully empty. It scared him enough to park and get out. The last thing he needed was to get into an accident. 

He walked, ignoring his surroundings as he did so. How could he have been so stupid? He’d let this strange infatuation that had come over him upon seeing Akihiko for the first time consume him. Hoping, praying for something to happen that would lead Akihiko to see him as more than just his friend. 

Now that it had happened, it tasted like the bitterest drink he’d ever been made to swallow. He clenched his fists, remembering Akihiko’s weight on his body, his mouth so close to his that Haruki could almost taste it. His hands roughly invading places Haruki had been nowhere near ready for. And God help him, in his initial panic he’d almost let it happen. 

That was the part that hurt the most, even though he knew it wasn’t really him Akihiko had seen at that moment, at least not the way Haruki wanted to be seen by him. That whole scene had been a means to an end. It had been Akihiko’s attempt to manipulate Haruki for some reason of his own. One that he hadn’t been willing to share. 

It didn’t matter though, Akihiko had crossed a line, and any hope Haruki had held of a relationship between then had come crashing down around him in the cruelest way possible. 

Haruki sighed, releasing his hair from its braid and shaking it loose. He’d tried his best to set aside his infatuation, to be a good friend to Akihiko. He’d given him a place to stay when Aki had asked. Had offered his ear time and time again, but all that had apparently accomplished was to make him vulnerable to an attack he’d never expected. One that Haruki never wanted to be on the receiving end of again. That was the one thing he was sure of. 

He wasn’t a fool, he knew Akihiko’s life was more complicated than he let on. He never talked about his family, and his relationship with his mysterious housemate was obviously volatile. The band seemed to be the only thing that he truly cared about, and for that, Haruki had been grateful. 

But regardless of what Akihiko’s situation was, it didn’t give him the right to force himself on Haruki. He didn’t mind it so much when Akihiko took advantage of their friendship in small ways, but to use Haruki’s feelings against him was not something he could easily forgive. 

He knew it was time to think of what he was going to do moving forward. To decide what the future would hold not just for him but for whatever might be left of their friendship. Haruki felt his anger begin to give way to a weary sadness. 

What was going to happen now? How could they continue to be in the same band with this between them? How long before Uenoyama and Mafuyu noticed something was off? Question after question nagged at him, and he didn’t have an answer for any of them. 

The truth was he’d been holding on to a foolish fantasy. Had thought the last few months, they had been getting closer. Not to mention Mafuyu’s song had forced him to face how very lonely he had become in the two years he’d remained alone, waiting for Akihiko to notice him. 

It was time to reclaim his life, to put his feelings for Akihiko behind him. 

And suddenly he knew what he had to do. The clearest statement he could possibly make both to himself and to Akihiko. His decision made he finally headed back to his car. Deciding not to return home, Haruki parked near Take’s house and tried to get some sleep, worried that Akihiko would still be waiting for him and not trusting his fledgling determination. Not when there were still so many feelings for him to sort through. 

Hours later, Haruki sat in front of Take’s door, waiting impatiently for his friend to return home from work. Take didn’t look very surprised to see him, and after giving him a once over, his features switched to concern, probably noticing Haruki’s wrinkled clothes and the bags under his eyes. 

Haruki knew that look, and before Take could have a chance to say anything, he burst out, “Take-chan, you cut your own hair, don’t you?” 


End file.
